


We ain't ashes

by captainandersmith



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Grand Theft Auto Setting, Fake AH Crew, M/M, More tags to be added, teen for swearing and violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-22
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-07-16 17:03:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 16,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7276447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainandersmith/pseuds/captainandersmith
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jeremy joins The Fake AH Crew he soon discovers he's found a home and when he's finally reunited with Matt he starts to believe that he's also found a family. But nothing is ever as easy as they want it to be.</p><p>Matt's life is a mess of crime, secrets and now the Fake AH crew. How long until it all comes crashing down on him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Here we are

**Author's Note:**

> Bad summary is bad. By the way I'm planning to have lots of background mavin and ramtillo as well as platonic raywood. I have lots planned so stick with me.

It’s 9:24am and already the gentle tinkling of whiskey being poured over ice can be heard through the apartment. Geoff pointedly ignores Jack’s raised eyebrows, refusing to even give him the “it’s 5 o’ clock somewhere” excuse.

Ryan and Michael burst through the door a while ago to give him the fantastic news that they have a body in the boot of the car. A live one. Some asshole kid that was waiting for them at the store they planned to rob in the early hours of that morning, he was out front, cash in hand. He had recognised Ryan and Michael, had known that they were going to rob the place and did the job himself before they turned up.

So best case scenario they would have to bribe the kid to keep his mouth shut and their identities safe, or scare his ass out of town. Then there was the possibility that they’d have to kill him.

So considering this monumental fuck-up of a morning, Geoff was going to drink his whiskey thank you very much.

 

* * *

 

“Sorry... what?” Geoff pinched the bridge of his nose and took a step closer to the guy tied to the chair in front of him. “You’re gonna have to run that by me again, for a second there I thought you were asking me to hire you”

He had to hand it to the kid, he looked nervous rather than scared, despite being tied up and surrounded by four other criminals. And asking for a job? He had balls... either that or he was just plain stupid.

“Wasn’t sure you were taking resumes so I wanted to show you what I could do” he shifted a little, barely holding his thin smile in place. “I’ve got skills you could use and being a lone wolf in Los Santos isn’t really working for me”

Michael raises his eyebrows at this and puffs out a laugh, “Did you ever consider that the Fake AH Crew doesn’t need your help? And that now you know too much we’re going to have to _deal_ with you?”

Before Geoff has the chance to tell Michael that _he_ is The Boss and he will handle this, the door swings open behind him catching his attention. Gavin leads in with a surprised smirk at the scene that’s laid out before him, followed by Ray and Jeremy.

“Holy shit” Jeremy says breathlessly and then again, louder “ _Holy shit_ ”

Before Geoff has a chance to explain their little predicament, Jeremy barrels past him and hugs the stranger. “Matthew Bragg, fucking long time no see!” He pulls back to grab his shoulders and the others can all see him grinning. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

Matt (as Jeremy so helpfully identified) looked even more shocked. There was a flicker of something unreadable in his eyes but it disappeared when he started to smile, “I could say the same to you!”

Jeremy suddenly remembers the rest of the crew, wide eyed and open mouthed in the background, and turns to them to explain, “This is Matt, we were partners for a long time but we were separated a couple of years ago and I haven’t seen the bastard since”.

He accompanied these words by ruffling Matt’s hair but the ease with which the pair interacted did nothing to make Geoff feel less wary. He pulled at his moustache, obviously trying to figure out what to do next, “yes, you have told us about him”.

A cheeky expression crept onto Matt’s face and he chastised Jeremy with a tone of mock seriousness, “see Mr Ramsey here is looking all serious because we were in the middle of my job interview before you so rudely interrupted”

“You just _asked_ to join the crew?” even Jeremy marvelled at his friend’s audacity.

“If by ‘asked’ you mean ‘tracked us down and hijacked a job we were supposed to be doing’” The face paint under the mask that Ryan was wearing creeped the fuck out of Matt but he noted that he sounded a little impressed.

“You motherfucker” Jeremy laughed quietly and then turned to Geoff, trying hard to keep his expression sober with only a fraction of puppy dog eyes, “If it helps your decision at all Geoff, I think you should hire him. I know we can trust him and he’d be a real asset to the crew”

Geoff threw himself down into a chair opposite Matt and released his annoyance in an exaggerated sigh. He leaned forward and braced his forearms on his thighs, scrutinising Matt all over, searching for cracks.

“We can’t just hire some kid because he walks up and asks for a job”

“Well he did manage to-”

“Shut up Jack you’re not helping”

“Not to mention I know where your base is now, what’s to stop me from going to the police?” Matt chimed in, tone dry but eyes shining with humour.

“You’re a criminal Matt”

“...Good point.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let me know what you thought! I'll be over here in Jerematt hell as usual, come join me.  
> My tumblr is also captainandersmith
> 
> ((p.s haven't really worked out Matt's role as a crew member yet shhhhh))


	2. Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashback to how Matt and Jeremy met before the crew, and what led them to where they are today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all the comments, kudos etc. it means so much to me and I'm glad you are enjoying so far!

The way that Jeremy sees it, this all began back in Senior year of high school when he turns up late to his first calculus lesson and takes the only empty seat left. At the back. Second from the window. They don’t talk until the end of class but Jeremy soon finds out that the lanky, long-haired boy he sat next to is called Matt Bragg.

As the year proceeded they would talk to pass the time and boredom of the class. It started as small talk but grew more friendly, however it never proceeded into anything more consequential than their favourite games, or how the principal was hooking up with the Spanish teacher. Allegedly. They never did great in tests, Matt practically sleepwalked his way through school and Jeremy was just really, _really_ bad at math.

They were friendly, but they weren’t friends. They never hung out outside of class, they knew nothing about each other’s families and they were never even once invited to the same party. Jeremy (just about) graduated, moved away from Liberty City back to Boston and never saw, or even thought about Matt after that.

It might seem then that this meeting was unimportant.

 

* * *

 

On his return to Boston, Jeremy reconnected with some cousins from his childhood. When they roped him into helping with a couple of jobs which weren’t quite legal, he wasn’t surprised. They had no real qualifications or experience that would land them a respectable job and the money they earned for their little excursions was better than they could hope for: since Jeremy was in the same situation, they kept him in on their deals. What did surprise Jeremy was how closely they were working with the mafia, taking little “projects” here and there.

Soon Jeremy carried knuckledusters in his back pocket and a glock in the waistband of his trousers.

It was bound to fall apart from the beginning. Too many stupid kids, high on their own hubris, blinded by the seductive money. As soon as Jeremy caught the first whiff of danger he got out, leaving his parents to wonder where he’d gone to and leaving his cousins in god knows what mess.

Liberty city wasn’t the first place he went after that, but when he went there he certainly wasn’t thinking of those meagre years of education, or the boy that he sat next to in class.

 

* * *

 

It was almost 2 years after he left that Jeremy returned to Liberty city, planning to continue his lifestyle: commit a few small time crimes until he’d outstayed his welcome and then move on.

He was never very good at sticking to plans.

Robbing the liquor store was easier than anticipated, the business obviously wasn’t doing well enough to afford cameras and the cashier seemed more irritated than panicky. His exasperated sigh told Jeremy that being held at gunpoint was a weekly occurrence for the shop owners of Liberty city.

When the man had given him the cash out of the register, he swiftly knocked the guy out with the butt of his gun (just in case, you know?). He was turning to the door ready to leave when he caught movement from behind one of the shelves. Moving quietly as possible, every nerve in his body sizzling, he rounded the corner and pointed at the crouched figure.

“Jeremy?”

In the time it took to recover from sharp shock of coincidence, Matt pulled a small bag of white powder out of his pocket.

“Woah, chill dude, it’s cool”, he held up the bag, eyeing the gun nervously, “I’m not exactly the most law-abiding citizen either”

Jeremy kept the gun between both hands but lowered his arms. Matt had started laughing then but Jeremy’s eyebrows remained furrowed.

“You’re selling drugs?”

“Yup, and now my next customer is currently unconscious. But it’s ok, we’ll split the cash and call it even”, Matt winked and looked at Jeremy over his glasses.

Jeremy’s expression softened almost imperceptibly but he was confused by this man’s sudden lack of self preservation. When most people would have thrown up their arms and begged, Matt had smiled and tried to bargain with him.

Jeremy sighed, “Let’s continue this conversation elsewhere”

Matt nodded in agreement, “lead the way”

This is why Jeremy feels like the first part of his and Matt’s story was important. Because if he hadn’t been shocked enough that this stranger knew his name, or surprised by the fact that this wasn’t a stranger, but Matt Bragg from one of his classes in high school, he’d have punched his lights out. Or maybe even shot him.

When Jeremy later recounts this story to the others, he can’t help but chuckle. A life was saved and a friendship made thanks to twelfth grade math and a bag of cocaine. Sometimes the world was fucking crazy.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Jeremy came to the conclusion that he too was fucking crazy. Crazy to be sitting on a bench, explaining the last year of his (very illegal) lifestyle to a strange drug dealer, just because he had been in one class with him in high school.

Matt stayed silent the entire time, only his attentive gaze betraying his slight curiosity. Once he had finished, Jeremy turned to the other expectantly.

“So Matt, how did you go from video game nerd to drug dealer”

Matt smiled slightly and started scratching his beard. “Well I’m not really a dealer; I’ve always been the one who delivers the goods for someone. About a month ago my dealer skipped outta town and I thought I’d try my hand at it, it’s been a bit of a bust though”

Despite this, Matt didn’t look worried. “I was already a junkie when you met me you know? Became a runner shortly before the end of high school too” Jeremy shook his head, he had never really noticed.

“Well I was brought up by my grandma and though she wasn’t blind, she was none too good at spotting what was right under her nose.” Matt looked like he was about to retreat into his thoughts, but he physically shook himself out of it.

“Anyway, what’s next for you Dooley?”

When Jeremy had explained that he was going to shack up in a hotel and then move on to the next city, Matt insisted that he stay at his place for the night.

On the walk to his flat, Jeremy was seriously starting to question his own sanity when Matt turned to him just as they were entering the building and said, “Don’t worry, I don’t even own a gun”

So Matt was the insane one. Inviting an almost stranger to stay the night after being held at gunpoint by him. This guy was way more interesting than he gave him credit for in 12th grade.

 

* * *

 

So that was it. Matt gave up his bed for Jeremy, and despite his intentions to leave at first light he wanted to repay the guy by helping him get back on his feet. With no source of income, the man would be swallowed up by the city. Jeremy didn’t want to leave with that in mind.

So they do a couple of ‘jobs’ together, nothing major, and Jeremy teaches Matt some self defence. Now Matt would be the first to admit that he was useless when he met Jeremy, scrawny and without skill; his new friend did his best to rectify this. Even Jeremy couldn’t claim credit for all the improvement made though, the credit card scams, the hacking into systems and selling on the information... that was all Matt.

They fell into a routine of ease and friendship and soon ‘one more night’ turned into ‘one more week’ until Jeremy’s promises to leave tapered off. They bought a console, some games and learned about each other in jigsaw pieces. For instance, Jeremy tells Matt about his family in Boston while Matt tells Jeremy about his efforts to get clean. Matt makes Jeremy laugh to combat the loneliness and in turn Jeremy distracts his mind from the drugs.

They should have known that nothing lasts for long.

They had been living together for over a year when they came back to the apartment to find it ransacked. Everything had been destroyed or stolen. When they emerged downstairs again, they were met with gunshots. The pair were caught up in a turf war between two gangs, each assuming that they were a part of the other. Jeremy wasn’t hurt and as far as he could tell, Matt also escaped unscathed, but they had been separated in the confusion.

In the following days Jeremy tried to return to the apartment, or find some sign that Matt was still in the city, but each time he got close he caught sight of a gang member and ran in the opposite direction. With no cell phones, or any other way of contacting each other, that was it.

 

* * *

 

Jeremy went back to whatever it was he was doing before Matt came into his life, but it somehow felt a lot lonelier. The sirens of Los Santos lured him and he stayed for longer than usual. What he wasn’t expecting was to be approached.

Two men flanked him in an empty train carriage one night. One was all curls and intimidation, the other maintained an expression of disturbing serenity behind his glasses. They told him that The Crew had been watching him, and they liked what they saw. They needed someone of his ‘talents’ while one of their members (Gavin, he later found out) was indisposed. The red head added that although this was an invitation, he wouldn’t like the consequences of declining.

Outside the train station the men led him to a car and minutes later he was sat at a table opposite Geoff Ramsey and Jack Pattillo. The leaders of the most infamous gang in Los Santos.

Gavin recovered and for the second time in his life, Jeremy stayed longer than anticipated. This was almost two years ago. He now had a relationship of trust and respect with each member of the Fake AH Crew. He wasn’t expecting Matt to turn up, but he had no desire to let go of him again, integrating him into the crew wouldn’t be too difficult, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> captainandersmith on tumblr (y'all can chat to me anytime over there!)   
> This chapter was pretty long, congrats if you stuck through it ahaha  
> There'll be more of the whole crew in the next chapter  
> Thanks again lads


	3. The years that stand between us

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Geoff deliberates the possible new addition with some help from Jack. Matt and Jeremy realise that there's something more complicated about the years that they were apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the great comments you awesome people, starting to add some more ships now.  
> by the way, Ryan and Ray are both asexual and aromantic in this fic   
> this chapter contains reference to drug use  
> let me know if you want anything tagged

Geoff and Jack had been alone in the room that they kept as an office for almost an hour and had gotten nowhere. Every time Jack asked Geoff if he had come to a decision, he just responded with a groan and sank further into his chair.

Eventually even Jack’s patience began to wear thin. He let out an exasperated sigh and kneeled in front of Geoff, placing his hands on his thighs. The position suggested a lover’s intimacy, but Jack’s firm expression was more like that of a teacher or parent.

“Let’s simplify this okay? What is your absolute gut feeling about this guy?”

“I like him. He seems pretty bright and all too. But- ” Jack interrupted by briefly placing his hand over Geoff’s mouth.

“Just you wait a minute! Jeremy worked with Matt and he clearly trusts him. Do you trust Jeremy’s judgement?”

“Absolutely”

Jack smiled at this, reaching up to kiss Geoff on the cheek before sitting back on his heels. “There’s your answer then”

“Remind me why you’re not the boss again?”

Jack shrugged, “I’ve got the brains, you’ve got the stage presence” he quipped.

Geoff looked at him with unbridled admiration, “You beautiful motherfucker”

Rolling his eyes Jack rose to his feet, grabbing Geoff’s hand and pulling him with him. “We’d best go tell everyone then”

Geoff made an attempt at mock resistance “I don’t know... I quite liked the view I had a minute ago, you on your knees in front of me...”

Jack pulled out of his grip and walked towards the door, but once he took the handle he turned to wink at Geoff, “come on you horny old bastard”

 

* * *

 

 

While Geoff and Jack were having this conversation, Matt spent possibly the second most stressful hour of his life in the crew’s living room. Despite Jeremy’s constant smiles and soft reassurances (accompanied by a distracting hand on his thigh), Matt was terrified that he would be rejected. Not getting into the crew wasn’t an option for him at this point and Jeremy’s presence only made the situation a whole lot worse. The others weren’t exactly helping to make him feel comfortable either.

Surprisingly, Ryan wasn’t the problem. He had removed the skull mask and was no longer looming in the corner looking intimidating and slightly demonic, rather he was huddled in a large armchair with Ray. He peered over the other mans shoulder and murmured comments about whatever Ray was playing on his 3ds (Matt wouldn’t have pegged him as a Nintendo guy) which made him snort with laughter.

In contrast, Michael and Gavin were sat on another sofa opposite Matt and Jeremy. Gavin had begun with small talk but seemed to observe something and quickly became silent, lying with his head in Michael’s lap and frowning slightly at the ceiling. Michael was even more unnerving. Although one hand was softly stroking through Gavin’s hair in a loving gesture, the other had been twirling a knife and he refused to stop glaring at Matt.

Just as Matt felt he was about to go into cardiac arrest, Jack and Geoff walked into the room and at the same time Michael slammed the spinning knife into the coffee table in front of him. The combined actions caused Matt to yelp and jump violently.

Jack rolled his eyes, “Michael would you leave Matt and the table alone, you’ve tortured them both enough already” Matt looked down from where Michael was grinning and saw several such wounds in the weathered table.

Jeremy had ignored the entire exchange and was staring at Geoff, “Well?” he said expectantly.

Geoff nodded at Matt “You’re in kid, for now. Obviously you gotta earn your place” He raised his eyebrow at him in as stern of an expression as he could manage.

Matt didn’t feel relieved at all, but when he saw Jeremy’s grinning face he couldn’t help but reciprocate his excitement. That time he had spent was Jeremy was the best time of his life. Maybe he could do something to have those times back, despite everything.

“I’ll do my best sir”

 

* * *

 

 

In the midst of the others introducing themselves properly and congratulating him, Matt noticed Gavin take a break from whining at Michael to be friendlier and moving quietly towards Geoff. He seemed to be whispering something into Geoff’s ear and although Gavin’s back was turned, whatever it was he said caused Geoff to visually search Matt and place a hand on Gavin’s shoulder.

He met Matt’s eyes and without breaking eye contact murmured what must have been a question to Gavin. He responded by nodding earnestly, his face sombre.

Shit. This was it. It was over before it had begun.

But Geoff didn’t immediately throw him out of the house (the best case of the scenarios currently running through Matt’s head), instead he called Jack and Jeremy over and instructed them to show Matt to the spare room. He even gave an encouraging smile and winked at him.

It didn’t stop his stomach from twisting over the unheard conversation he just witnessed though. He decided to make conversation with Jack to distract himself. The guy seemed the most normal out of the bunch and had a general air of kindness.

He learnt a very basic overview of how the crew had come together but as he entered a fairly large, well kept room that was apparently his now, another question came to him.

“How many rooms does this place have anyway?” If there was space for Matt to have his own unused room, this place must be bigger than he thought!

“Bedrooms? Five actually”

Jeremy could tell by the way that the skin between Matt’s eyebrows scrunched a little, that he couldn’t quite make the math work and he laughed before explaining.

“I’m the only one who has their own room. Jack and Geoff have been together forever and Michael and Gavin are together as well, although those two liked sharing a bed even before that. Ray and Ryan share a room as well but they aren’t together” He shrugged and gave Matt a reassuring smile “you can ask them about it if you want”

The two talked a little with the nervous excitement of friends that had so much to say to each other but didn’t know where to start. But before Jeremy could ask him anything substantial, Geoff poked his head around the door and asked to speak to him in the kitchen. As such, Jeremy traded places with a wary looking Michael lead by an excitable Gavin.

Michael rubbed a hand over the back of his neck, looking a little less scary than earlier. “So where are you from Matt?”

“Liberty city, born and bred. It’s surprisingly like Los Santos actually”

Gavin covered his mouth with his hands and put on a terrible accent, “So you were born of the crime, _moulded_ by it”

“Shut the **fuck** up Gavin”

 

* * *

 

Jeremy could hear Michael’s angry tones from the kitchen and chuckled. “So what’s up boss?”

“You know that we don’t have drugs here, right?”

Geoff bringing this up out of the blue confused Jeremy, “Um, yeah? That’s why none of us ever have any”

“And that’s great but the newbie might not be so aware of this rule”

“Matt? Sure he used to take drugs but that was years ago! He quit right before he met me and never once relapsed”

Geoff leaned back against the counter and folded his arms over his chest, lowering his voice he said “Jeremy, Gavin knows a junkie when he sees one” Jeremy went to interrupt but Geoff stopped him with the raise of a hand “He may not even be using now but Gavin spotted several signs of withdrawal and some recent ‘marks’ on his arms”

“Shit” Jeremy whispered, rubbing a hand over his forehead. This could not be good.

“Look, obviously if he were using, then he’d be out. We can’t have any of that here.” Geoff spoke calmly as if lecturing a child “But all I really wanted to say to you is that you need to keep an eye on him. This guy was your friend; you can help him through this so I don’t have to lay down the law”

“I’ll talk to him” Jeremy promised, making his way back to Matt’s room, pausing when Geoff called after him.

“I can see how much he means to you Jerem. Don’t let him throw this chance away”

 

* * *

 

 

Jeremy stood in the doorway of Matt’s room trying to postpone the conversation as much as possible until Matt noticed and invited him in.

“Dude, did you know there’s an xbox in here? Ramsey must be loaded”

“You didn’t tell me you were back on the drugs”

Matt enthusiasm immediately subsided and he moved over to the bed to sit down. “How did you...?”

“Geoff told me” Jeremy was pissed that Matt hadn’t told him but on seeing Matt’s worried expression he decided to go a little easier on him, “He wanted me to make sure you’re ok... and make sure you know that we can’t have drugs in this crew”

Matt hurried to correct him, “I know I know! I’m not using anymore anyway! I just... had a bit of a relapse that’s all”

“Why?”

“...I can’t tell you that”

“I see, you disappear for over a year and suddenly you can’t trust me anymore. Go ahead, keep your secrets”

Matt looked horribly lost for a minute before snapping angrily “That’s not fair Jerem you know I trust you, and you haven’t exactly told me what you were up to since we were separated!”

“I will eventually”

“And ‘eventually’ is when I’ll tell you about what happened to me” His tone was still terse but he seemed to regret his outburst, “ I _want_ to tell you but I can’t yet, but I will as soon as everything’s sorted I promise”

Jeremy seemed only slightly exasperated by his cryptic speech and finally came to sit on the bed next to him. Matt decided that he should at least try to explain, “look, the short story is that I didn’t do too well when we got lost, I mean, you were always the one that did fine by themselves”

“I missed you too buddy” Jeremy seemed suddenly very interested in his shoes, “and you’re not quite right about me doing alright by myself, I may be scrappy but I was... reckless”

Neither challenged the other further about those 2 years of separation, they sat in silence for a while before Jeremy cleared his throat. “I tried so hard to find you, and now here you are by coincidence”

And despite everything, in this moment, Matt was grateful for that, and he could tell that Jeremy was too.

Once Jeremy had left him to it, he felt overwhelmed by the silence, his thoughts too active to let him rest. And as Matt lay alone, eyes wide open in the perfect darkness; he cursed the universe for its wonderful coincidences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this chapter! If anyone has any ideas for fillers, or scenes they'd like to see between specific characters let me know! I want to get a bit of classic FAHC action in here  
> Feel free to let me know what you thought  
> tumblr is captainandersmith


	4. We are not alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt has two unexpected visitors in an otherwise trying night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been away without internet and will be for about a week and a half! Have found a little to post this!

When Matt woke again, it was still the middle of the night but the crawling sensation under his skin wouldn't allow him to sleep anymore. Lying still in the one place was a hateful sensation, so he got up to walk through the silent house. The sight of the balcony doors gave the wonderful idea of fresh air and soon he was leaning against the railing, soaking in the city lights of Los Santos.

His mind was so frazzled, he was fighting the joint urges to tip over the edge or throw up under the harsh bathroom lights. Since his brain couldn't decide between the two, he stayed put.

He didn't realise that he had his eyes screwed shut until Gavin tapped his shoulder and quietly asked if he could join him. When he asked him why he was up, he explained that he never sleeps that well and that Michael was "faffing and fidgeting"

"I'm guessing you're up with the withdrawal then?"   
"Get right to the point don't you?"  
Gavin shrugged.  
Fucking great. Of course Gavin knew. The whole house probably knew about his problems by now. But when Matt asked if Geoff had told him, Gavin began to look shifty.

"Well... I was the one that told Geoff actually" he shrugged "I have a pretty good reason to know a druggie when I see one"  
Matt was incredulous. This kid? Really?

Gavin didn't hesitate to confirm his suspicions "I was in your position only a couple of years ago, it was a relapse after 4 years of behaving"  
He gave a slight laugh but stifled it when he saw that Matt was in no mood for joking about such matters.

"So what got you on in the first place?" Gavin held up his hands to placate him in advance "you don't need to tell me about the relapse, I know it's not yet in the past"

Matt had no idea why he had the sudden urge to divulge his life story to this near stranger, but since they'd be working so closely and Jeremy obviously trusted him, he saw no harm. Plus the advantage of telling this particular story to a fellow addict was that there would be no annoying sympathy nods, or pitying glances. Even with Jeremy he'd always hated that.

"There's not that much to tell really. I'm from South Carolina and there was shit all to do than hang in a parking lot and smoke some pot. I only lived with my grandma and she hadn't a clue. One of the guys I got friendly with was a dealer, and soon he had me doing runs for him. I had the money and the opportunity to move onto the heavier stuff"

He'd intended to skip the next part of the story, but it came unbidden for some reason.

"When my grandma died and I was on my own, I knew I had to stop. I couldn't cope with the drugs and the loneliness together. It just... It just fuckin' messed with my head you know?"  
Gavin raised his eyebrow and gave a slight nod in a way that Matt knew meant that he understood the feeling all too well.  
"I met Jeremy shortly after I stopped the first time, he helped a lot"

He let the silence sit for a while but Gavin seemed to have nothing to say, eventually the curiousity became too strong and he ventured to ask about his own story.

Gavin seemed used to telling it and assumed what looked like a familiar posture: leaning with one arm on the railing, facing Matt, and his palms outstretched in a half shrug.

"It's a classic, Matty-boy. Good old 'rich-kid-whose-parents-dont-care-enough' affair. I made some bad friends in sixth form for a start. Then when we moved from England to America I left the friends behind but took the habits with me. My parents wanted to go back to England but I didn't so I moved out. You can imagine how well that went"   
At the last remark he leant in and grinned as if expecting a laughter track to play. Matt hoped his wry smile was an acceptable response.

"And this is where Misters Ramsey and Pattillo come in. Geoff in particular. Jack's soft as anything but Geoff has a thing for strays. Hence..." He gestured vaguely to the apartment behind him, obviously referring to the ragtag crew Ramsey had acquired.

"I'm not even sure what state I was living in when they found me. In fact, I was off my face in a bank they were robbing. Apparently I called them Bonnie and Clyde and told them to fuck off."

Matt gave a genuine laugh at this and Gavin joined in before continuing. " they probably took me as a hostage cause I was easy to subdue. I'm still not convinced it isn't the Stockholm syndrome keeping me here!"

Matt decided he liked this guy. Matt was unsure when he was quiet but as he grew more animated he found himself at ease with him. He felt a little sorry seeing Gavin's expression turn serious.

"That was the worst part of the relapse. Geoff was so disappointed that he didn't speak to me for days. I had to send messages through Jack! I only got back into it cos I met up with an old buddy and well, that was that."

Just as the silence of the night air began to grow awkward, Gavin slapped a palm to his forehead as if he had forgotten something important.

"How bloody rude am I?" he exclaimed, laughing "here I am asking about your drug problem and I haven't even properly introduced myself!"

He extended his hand and donned an exaggeratedly polite tone, "I am Mr Gavin Free, resident brit of this fine establishment"  
Gavin's jovial manner made Matt feel more at ease than he had done for a long while.  
He decided to humour the guy and reply in similar fashion, "Matt Bragg, still not entirely sure how I got here"

With a friendly punch to his arm that hurt more than Matt cared to admit, Gavin started laughing again  
"Hey chill out man! Geoff and the others clearly saw potential in you if they invited you to join! We'll just be looking for your strengths and weaknesses over the next few days"  
Somehow this didn't make Matt feel any more confident.

Gavin seemed to sense this and continued to encourage him, "we've heard great things from Jeremy and I'm SURE you'll be bloody fantastic"

Matt was surprised by such kind words from this almost stranger and tried to stutter his thanks but all this earned him was another punch to the arm.

Neither of them spoke for a while until Gavin faked a yawn and turned to Matt a final time.

"I'll be off to bed then Matt, try not to worry too much about Geoff testing you, you'll be top!"  
He gave Matt a slap on the shoulder and moved to go through the door.

"Oh, one last thing. Let people help you. God knows your pride might not let you but..." He looked up to the celing as if to search for a way to explain.

"Lil J helped you through this before, don't do this alone"

The fresh air and the chat with Gavin had cleared Matt's head a lot. His worries were numerous but right now He only had two questions on his mind that he had been too embarrassed to ask.

What was a sixth form?

And what the everloving fuck was with Jeremy's new nickname?

  
\---

Matt regretted returning to his bed the moment his back hit the mattress. He was way too hot and yet he began to shiver. When he closed his eyes he felt like he was on a slowly accelerating merry go round.

Tonight wasn't the first night that Jeremy had slept in a bed with him. But after all this time apart Matt was surprised to see his silhouette approach through the open door. His shoulders tensed as the bed dipped beside him but he was relieved to have him there.

Whether he had come of his own accord, or Gavin had sent him, Matt was grateful.

Jeremy shifted so that their arms were touching and when Matt turned to face him he was met with wide open eyes.

"Don't shut me out Matt" Jeremy whispered, it was a warning rather than a reprimand. "I've been without you for far too long"

Matt wanted to reply. He wanted to curl up in Jeremy's arms and maybe, just maybe, he wanted to cry. Only a little bit.

But for now, their forearms lightly touching, faces opposite and close, this kind of intimacy was enough.

All the same Matt felt a small cracking in his heart as he remembered the secrets that lay between them and that they were no longer the people that they were, the last time they shared a bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your support has been great! <3
> 
> Ps I'm pulling withdrawal symptoms out of thin air, forgive me


	5. Changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Jack and Geoff ask Matt a few questions, Jeremy learns a few small truths about the years they were apart. But there are still so many unanswered questions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still on holiday!!! I'm really getting into this now and can't wait to move the plot on some more

When Matt woke, his head was on Jeremy's shoulder and in his embarrassed attempt to get away as quickly as possible he almost bashed their heads together.

Luckily, Jeremy stayed asleep and Matt escaped the room into the bathroom.

He looked into the mirror and the same old lanky asshole stared back at him.

Remembering what the day had in store for him, Matt's self hatred caused him to curse under his breath.  
What have you got yourself into you stupid fuck.

\---

Matt was glad to see that there was only one person in the kitchen and it was Jack. More to the point, he was glad it wasn't Ryan or Michael. It would only be a bit awkward if it was any of the others, but those two still scared the crap out of him.

Jack was sat at the table and looked up from his coffee with a tired smile. He greeted Matt and invited him to sit down. 

"Um so... what do you want me to do today?"  
Nice one Matt. You've managed to make an infamous crime organisation sound like a waitressing gig.

"Well..." Jack seemed to consider it for a minute "I suppose we'll get Ryan to test your technical skills, get Gavin to give you the lowdown on all the local gangs and if there's time you can spar with Michael"

He was clearly making the plan on the spot despite the fact that Geoff was the leader. From what Matt heard yesterday and given Jack's current behaviour, Geoff was obviously a "yes, dear" kind of man.

This observation was pretty fucking funny, but he hadn't meant to voice it out loud.  
"Geez, you really have Ramsey's balls in a vice don't ya?"

Before Matt could apologise for being a fucking idiot, Jack sniggered and pointed a finger at him.  
"Exactly right dude. You'll get on well here"

He let his expression grow serious for a bit "Ah, we'll have to ask you quite a few questions this morning as well, but I'll wait until Geoff gets here for that"

As Jack was saying this, Jeremy walked into the kitchen and gave Matt a huge smile.  
"Your first day Matt! You excited buddy?"

"Does excitement usually feel like you're about to throw up?"  
The two men repeatedly told him that he'd be fine, a phrase that he'd heard a lot in the last 24 hours and convinced him less and less each time.

\-----

Geoff was the next one to get up and after making his coffee, the two seemed ready to interview him.

The ridiculousness of the situation didn't escape Matt. He was sat opposite Ramsey and Pattillo, the most senior members of one of the most successful gangs in Los Santos history. 

He had also just seen them kiss each other good morning and call each other generic pet names.

What a crazy fuckin' world hey?

\-----  
Geoff was stalling now, asking Matt menial questions, friendly small talk. He wanted to gauge his reactions, study his body language, before asking him anything important.

It was like an experiment really.

Geoff needed a control sample, so that he could observe how Matt behaved when he was comfortable. When he was being honest.

Then you add the variables. Ask possibly compromising questions. See how he reacts.

See if he's lying.

There was a reason why Geoff was usually the first face you saw when you were dealing with the crew.  
Or rather, that he was the first one to see your face.

"Right, let's get this started" Jack said beside him.

\----------

Asking Matt about what he did before Jeremy was pretty straightforward, Jeremy knew all the facts anyway and there was nothing to lie about, so that was fine.

"So Jeremy did tell us about your 'hacking' but what exactly did you do?"

"Um, I could steal money directly but that involves a lot of cover up so mostly I sold information. Pin numbers, account details, blackmail photos... That sort of stuff"

Neither Geoff or Jack could hide their impressed expressions. This was definitely a useful skill. 

Jeremy chimed in with something else, " Matt probably wouldn't mention this but when I went on robberies sometimes he came with me and sometimes he didn't" he paused to smile at Matt with pride in his eyes "But every time, he was the brains of the operation. Warned me what times to go, where they had guns behind the counter, whether it was worth robbing. I made more than a few mistakes on that front after we got separated" He made eye contact with Geoff then and continued earnestly "He's saved my life at least once"

"Twice I'd say" Matt joked

"That old woman doesn't count Matt" 

"She had a particularly dangerous handbag and I managed to disarm her"

"Oh yeah? Well you would have died of malnutrition if I hadn't started cooking for you"

"I'm not a kid Jerem, I fed myself just fine"

"Forty. Eight. Breadsticks. Matt."

"... Shut up"

\----------

After discussing what Matt's computer skills entailed and arguing over the nutritional value of breadsticks, Geoff was eager to ask some more serious questions.

"So after you and Jeremy were separated, you...?"

"I was on my own, so I just did a couple of small jobs to keep myself going"

Well that was a lie.   
Geoff was going to have to be smart about getting a better answer from him.

"Ok, this may seem an unnecessary question given what you just told me but I have to check. Do you have any...affiliations that we need to know about? People that maybe you've pissed off that might come after you?"

"No, nothing like that"

Hm. Interesting. Matt was telling the truth about that and yet he didn't seem a hundred per cent sure. He probably lied about the other question because it was to do with the drugs. Especially as Jeremy's was sat next to him. It was probably just some dealer he pissed off, no trouble really.

Jack was obviously nervous about the long silence and jumped in, "that's good to hear!"

Geoff was still stewing things over so Jack asked the easier questions.

"Can you drive?"  
"yes"

"Are you confident with a gun?"  
"yes"  
"handgun and sniper?"  
"yes"

Geoff didn't miss the way that these last two answers shocked Jeremy. Obviously they hadn't quite caught up with each other yet.

"how many men have you killed?"

Matt had to think a while before answering this one.

"four. Only two of them directly, but I was the reason the other two were killed. They'd still be alive if it weren't for me"

Good number, thought Geoff. Not too high, but in this line of work it was better than zero.   
The answer had Jeremy flabbergasted. Oops, it looked like those two definitely had a couple of things to talk about.

"Are you any good at fighting without a weapon?"

Jeremy answered before Matt could, "What, old noodle arms Bragg? A four year old could take him!" He was making fun of him but it was good natured enough and Matt could hardly hide his smile.

"How do you know I haven't been working out since you last saw me?"

"Some things never change Bragg"

\-----------

Geoff sent Jeremy and Matt away for a tour of the apartment so that he could talk to Jack.

"Well I noticed nothing odd about that" Jack said, seeming surprised that it had all gone this well.

Geoff was a little more hesitant though, "yes... there was something he wasn't quite telling us but I think it was pretty minor. He's probably too embarrassed or wants to spare Jeremy's feelings, the drugs ya know?"

They simultaneously drained the last bit of their coffee.

"God I hope Jeremy didn't mean that Matt ate the 48 breadsticks all at once"

\----------

The living room was the last stop on Matt's 'tour' and though Jeremy wanted to have a quiet word with Matt, Ray called the two of them over from his space on the couch.

"Hey how are you guys? Have Mr and Mrs been bugging you all morning"

"Nah, not too bad" Matt replied "Is that Mirror's edge?" noticing the controller in Ray's hand and recognising the cut scene on the screen.

Ray groaned "Yeahhhhh, It's not great but I'm in it for the achievements"

As they launched into an animated conversation about the particular achievement that Ray was on and the easiest way to do it, the two joined Ray in front of the TV. 

Jeremy could feel relief on Matt's behalf that the conversation had come so easily. He so wanted Matt to fit in well with the crew. He had been happy here before, but now that Matt was here this place was finally starting to feel like home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone has any particular interactions or scenes they want me to write I'd appreciate suggestions
> 
> I have a storyline planned but I always want some filler
> 
> Want more mavin or platonic raywood?? Let me know!
> 
> Want Geoff and Matt to talk about something in particular? let me know!  
> I'm up for any suggestions!


	6. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt's first day goes surprisingly well, he's even warming to Ryan and Michael!
> 
> He still manages to run into problems when unanswered questions and Gavin's pissed off boyfriend catch up to him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still on holiday (lol) thank you all for being amazing x

Matt was almost on top of the world at the end of his first day. After playing videogames with Ray and Jeremy, Ryan and Geoff introduced him to the computers and asked to see a bit of what he could do.

He could barely stop his hands from shaking, the fact that Ryan still creeped him out didn't help either, but he tried to be as impressive as possible. And from the looks on their faces he succeeded.

"Wowsers Matt! I'm gonna have to give up my position as tech guy dude! There's no way I could ever do something like that"

It's pretty hard to be frightened of someone once they use the word 'wowsers'

\-----------

After that he was sent to train with Michael in a large room with soft mats and gym equipment that had been pushed to the side. Matt was feeling less than confident but at least Michael had dropped the hostile attitude.

Although the questions Michael asked showed Matt up as a bit of a weakling, they sent Michael off in chuckling fits which made him feel more at ease.

"So what would you do if a guy was running at you?"   
"scream and run"

"had you at gunpoint?"  
"try to think of some witty last words"

"had your arm behind your back and a knife to your throat?"  
"accept my imminent death"

There was still laughter in the creases of Michael's face as he was explaining the self defence moves he was going to teach him.

Although Matt was still pretty terrible at the end of the lesson, Michael seemed pleased to see some improvement.

"You may have noodle arms Matt, but you're pretty fuckin fast"  
"Wow thanks" Matt replied dryly "I did actually do some martial arts when I was younger"

"Holy fucking shit"  
"... Why did I tell you that"

\----------

By the time Matt and Michael came out, the rest of the guys were sitting down to dinner. The radiant smile that Jeremy greeted him with provoked feelings in Matt that he promptly pushed way, WAY down.

Fuck that shit.

Michael's smirk directed at him and then the rest of the table had another effect. 

Uh oh. What was he going to say next.

"Hey guys did you know that Matt has a black belt in Tae Kwan Do?"

Suddenly 5 astonished and 2 smug faces were directed at him and he needed to think of a distraction quick.

"Did you know that Jeremy was a gymnast in high school?"

It worked like a dream.

\----------

Dinner with the Fake AH Crew was a surreal experience to say the least.

Ray and Ryan whispered, Gavin flicked food at Michael who yelled back, Geoff chastised them for playing with their food... It was like some weird family gathering. It was nice though, Matt decided. He was surprised at how quickly the others had accepted him, even Michael who had seemed brooding upon his arrival was now 'bullying' him.

"You're a bit unlucky with timing Matt buddy" Ray said as solemnly as he could manage, "last year was 'stop the bullying' but this year is 'start the bullying'"

Despite the bullying, Matt survived dinner and helped Jack do the dishes.

When he had put the last plate in the dishwasher, he turned around to find Jeremy standing unnecessarily close to him.

"Can we talk?"

This didn't seem like a good sign. Matt followed Jeremy into the living room and they sat down.

"Is this about anything in particular?"

"I think we need to talk about this morning" Jeremy said firmly and then continued when Matt looked confused, "the four guys you've killed?"

"Nope, we don't need to talk about that"

Jeremy seemed to expect this response and threw his hands and eyes to the sky, "Great so you won't talk to me anymore"

"You were in the room when I told Jack and Geoff!" 

"Ok so a "by the way Jeremy I've killed 3 guys since the last time we spoke" is good enough for you huh?"

Matt stood up then, exasperation clear in his body language "What else do you want me to say?! If it's so important then why haven't you told me your body count?"

Jeremy put his head in his hands and then looked back up at him "... That's different Matt"

Matt's tone turned venomous at this. Jeremy couldn't remember a time he'd heard Matt this angry "Oh I'm fucking hearing you loud and clear now Jeremy. You're trying to make a neat little story. One where poor, stupid Matt kills a guy in self defence and turns to drugs to numb the guilt, yeah? Sorry pal you're a bit far off the mark."

"Is it so crazy for me to worry about you when I remember the first time you killed someone?" Fair enough Jeremy did sound worried. But he also sounded angry and Matt was pretty fucking sick of it.

"No. What IS crazy is your desperate need to know every inch of the truth before I've even figured it out myself! Don't you think that if I could I would have told you already?"

"No Matt. Apparently I don't know ANYTHING ABOUT YOU ANYMORE!" 

Jeremy was shouting now and Matt seemed taken aback for a second. After a few seconds of silence, he adopted a bored look and rolled his eyes before storming off muttering under his breath.

Obviously hearing the noise, Geoff and Gavin peered their heads round the doorway. Gavin hurried after Matt and Geoff stayed where he was and folded his arms.

Jeremy got up to walk past Geoff, "Yeah yeah, give him time, let him tell you, blah blah fucking blah"

Geoff stopped him with a hand in the middle of his chest. "Matt is your friend. Given the current situation, you should be helping him, not fucking yelling at him"

Jeremy made a huffing sound and pushed past. "Some fucking friend"

\----------

Matt came out of his room the next morning to find Michael and Gavin arguing in the kitchen. By the slight smile on Michael's face and Gavin's whining it was clear that they were just joking.

From what Matt had seen so far, their version of flirting involved a lot of annoyance and yelling. Each to their own.

When Gavin saw Matt though, he abandoned the conversation and came bounding over to invite Matt on a trip to the shop. He agreed out of pure surprise but regretted the decision when he caught a glance of Michael's expression as they were leaving. It was positively stormy.

Gavin had invited him so they could have a private conversation about nothing all that special.

Gavin asked if Jeremy had spoken to him since yesterday, to which Matt replied that he hadn't. Gavin asked about how Matt's night had been to which Matt replied that it was a good as it could have been considering that his heart had been racing most of the time. They chatted a bit about withdrawal. Nothing special.

Matt's training session with Michael later that morning seemed to tell a different story. 

\----------

Jack and Jeremy were in the kitchen when the two emerged from the room. Matt had a large bruise emerging on the left side of his face from his chin to his cheekbone, his lip was split, and he was limping slightly. Michael breezed past and on seeing the state of Matt, Jack followed him.

Matt stood hesitantly, looking slightly embarrassed, before Jeremy told him to sit.

"What was that about?" Jeremy muttered, pulling a first aid kit from under the sink.

"Beats me" Matt said exaggeratedly, making it clear that the pun was intended.

Since the joke fell flat, he assumed that Jeremy was still mad about yesterday.

At that point Jack returned and sat in a chair, sighing as if he was exhausted "Michael says that Matt's dodging just wasn't quick enough"

Matt shrugged "Well he's not wrong"

Jeremy had wiped Matt's lip clean and bandaged his hand. His expression softened as he held the ice pack to Matt's cheek.

"This is about Gavin isn't it" Jeremy was still examining Matt but it was clear that the statement (it wasn't really a question) was directed at Jack.

When Matt asked if he'd done something wrong, the other two laughed and shook their heads.

"The same happened when Ryan arrived" Jack explained "Gavin was only trying to be friendly but Michael wouldn't speak to him for a week. And he tried to challenge Ryan to a duel"

Matt's jaw dropped and he looked to Jeremy for confirmation who nodded.

"They yelled at each other for four hours straight the week after I arrived. Gavin's like a puppy dog and Michael gets crazy jealous"

Geoff walked in and had to do a double take when he saw Matt.

"What the hell happened?" A crash came from the other room "on second thoughts, I know exactly what happened"

He pulled a hand down over his face and shook his head slowly, "Now's probably a good time to help Matt get his stuff from his place" he directed this at Jeremy who seemed reluctant but nevertheless stood up to grab a set of car keys.

He turned then to Jack, "I'm guessing I have to deal with Rage Quit over there"

Jack shrugged, "I did it the last time"

Geoff groaned and then thought for a while.

"Ah screw it. I'll make Ryan talk to him"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like Matt's having some trouble with two angry boys!!!!!
> 
> Eh I'm sure he'll be fine


	7. In a different light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So this is it, Matt thought. This is how it ends. I'm sat in a car with the Vagabond talking about boys. "
> 
> At Matt's old apartment, feelings are dealt with.  
> And later in Ryan's car, feelings are explained.
> 
> So basically a whole lot of feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> eyyyyyy it's here  
> sorry for the wait

The car ride down to Matt's old apartment was spent in silence, the only words exchanged were directions to the building.   
  
Jeremy was still really pissed at Matt. And he was even more pissed that Matt was pissed off at him. He was the one lying and keeping secrets for christs sake! Jeremy didn't like the idea that maybe Matt just didn't trust him anymore. He'd had to hear from Geoff about the drugs and Matt hadn't even thought about telling him about the men he'd killed.   
  
He wouldn't have been so worried if he hadn't had to help Matt through the first time.   

       
  
Jeremy parked the car as close to the building as he could and the pair made their way up to the 7th floor. Jeremy noticed the damp and dingy atmosphere of the corridors but nothing could have prepared him for the state of Matt's apartment.   
  
Matt turned the key and started moving about the flat, turning the lights on and collecting belongings. He stopped in the middle of the room and turned to look at Jeremy when he realised that he hadn't followed him and was still stood in the doorway.

  
  
The wreck of the apartment somehow matched Matt's appearance, and it felt like Jeremy was seeing him properly for the first time since he'd come back. Before he'd been so pleased to have him back that he'd not taken much notice.   
  
The man in front of him was skinny, bruised and sleep deprived. His hair was scraggly and his clothes worn to threads. He had sudden, horrible images of Matt in this apartment. Matt alone. Matt hungry and tired. Matt shooting up. Or coming down from a bad trip.  
  
The real Matt held his hands out and raised his eyebrows as if to say, _what?_   
  
Jeremy crossed the space between them and embraced Matt, "I'm sorry" he mumbled into his shoulder.   
  
Matt hadn't returned the hug at first but at this he put his arms around Jeremy.   
  
"Nah, I'm sorry too" he huffed out a small laugh, "he haven't done so well at this whole reunion thing"   
  
"Yeah, well" Jeremy pulled away slowly, sounding like he was casually agreeing but there was a challenge in his eyes.   
  
Matt seemed to understand what this implied and met Jeremy's eyes, "Look, there's nothing I want more than to tell you what's going on. The second that I can tell you I will. You have to trust me."   
  
Jeremy was satisfied by this. He did trust Matt and if he said that he had to wait, he would just have to wait. Even if he was confused by the use of present tense when he was only asking about his past.  
  
After sharing a smile, the two set about gathering Matt's things. There wasn't much to do and they left the apartment looking no more empty than when they had arrived. They had worked in silence but it was infinitely different to the silence of the car. 

  
\-----------   
  
As they were leaving the building, a voice called Matt's name behind them. When they turned, a sturdy man with a rat-like face walked up to Matt.   
  
"Morris" Matt acknowledged, seeming a bit surprised to see him. Jeremy, for his part, stayed back.   
  
"How's it going Matt?"   
  
"Yeah I'm alright thanks"   
  
Jeremy really wished that this dull small talk wasn't taking place while he had arms full of boxes.   
  
Morris seemed to notice Jeremy shifting uncomfortably and apologised for keeping them.   
  
"Oh I'll just say this Matt, Henry wanted me to remind you that you've got things to be getting on with"   
  
He hurried up the stairs before Matt could even reply to him leaving Jeremy confused. What a fucking weird thing to say. Matt didn't seem to have a clue what he meant either as he looked a bit nervous. 

  
  
Once in the car Jeremy decided to ask Matt who that weirdo was.   
  
"Well the guy he was talking about, Henry, is my landlord and Morris basically handles all the business in the building since Henry's never around"   
  
Jeremy was still puzzled about one thing though, "what did he mean by "things to be getting on with"?"   
  
"Probably reckons I owe him rent" Matt had answered too quickly and didn't appear to be convinced by the answer himself.   
  
Jeremy decided to leave it though, it had been a long day for both of them already and he didn't want to waste his earlier apology by prying further.

  
  
\----------   
  
They arrived back at the crew's apartment and Ryan immediately intercepted the pair and warned them that it would still be best to stay away from Michael.   
  
Matt winced, "I'm sorry, I had no idea that he'd go ape shit"   
  
Ryan gave an encouraging smile and put a hand on his shoulder, "Michael doesn't need a special occasion to go ape shit"   
  
Jeremy nudged Matt as best he could with their arms full of boxes, "come on, let's get you set up"   
  
"Hey Matt, before you go" Ryan called after them, "Geoff suggested that you come on a stake out with me tonight, what dya say?"   
  
Matt's mouth was so dry he only managed to hum in agreement. Despite Ryan's friendliness over the last couple of days, he had a naturally intimidating demeanour and Matt wasn't the bravest of people.

  
  
They had barely set the boxes down in Matt's room before Gavin came bounding in to apologise for Michael’s behaviour.   
  
“He just gets jealous really easily, I’m sure he’ll like you once he gets to know you!”   
  
Jeremy interrupted before Matt could say anything, “This is some high school shit you guys are pulling. Your boyfriend gets jealous any time you say more than two words to another guy and it’s getting ridiculous. Tell him to cut that shit out.”   
  
Gavin blabbered a few more apologies and hurried out of the room. Matt felt that this outburst was surprisingly out of character for Jeremy, he rarely got serious and when he did he usually used fewer words.   
  
“Um, thanks Jerem”   
  
Jeremy seemed to feel embarrassed by this and just held up a hand, giving a flustered smile as he backed out of the room. Matt couldn’t help but blush a little bit himself, it was starting to feel more like old times.

  
  
The way he wanted to be close with Jeremy again, it felt like “if only”   
  
It also felt like “I shouldn’t”   
  
Matt hated keeping things from Jeremy, even if it was for the best, it felt like he was betraying him. Maybe he was.   
  
Matt was relieved at the distraction when Ryan interrupted his thoughts by beckoning him from the living room. 

  
\----------

  
“Right, this is a pretty bog standard stake out, we’re planning to break into this guy’s house for blackmail material soon-“ Gavin paused when he saw Matt’s confusion but continued speaking quickly.   
  
“Loooong story, I’ll explain later. Anyway we’ve already watched his house a few times and he seems to be a creature of habit so it should be a piece of cake. This is just a final precaution really.”   
  
Jack leaned in, “And an excuse to get you out of Michael’s way for a bit” he laughed, his voice low.   
  
Matt couldn’t help but wince at this, “Ok so... sit in a car, watch the house, check the time. Got it”   
  
Ryan chuckled, “You know what Bragg, I think you’re a natural”

  
  
They were about to leave the apartment when Ray tapped on Ryan’s shoulder and held out a leather jacket.   
  
"Hey you forgot this"   
  
"Ray we'll probably be sat in the car the whole time"   
  
Ray rolled his eyes and stroked his thumb across Ryan’s cheek before throwing the jacket at his face, "just take the fucking jacket will ya"   
  
“Yes sir!”

  
\----------   
  
Gavin was right to describe the stake out in such a boring way.   
  
It was pretty fucking boring.   
  
As expected the guy left at 6:30pm and as expected he returned around 10. Not exactly the most exciting way to kick off Matt’s participation in the criminal organisation.   
  
At least all the extra time gave him a chance to get to know Ryan... be a little less scared of him. And the interaction he witnessed just before he came here reminded him of something he wanted to ask.   
  
The only problem was finding a smooth way of bringing it up.

  
  
“Haha that was pretty crazy with the whole me, Michael and Gavin thing ,right?”  Yeesh that wasn’t particularly smooth...   
  
“Oh that was nothing on the Michael scale of crazy. Couple of cuts and bruises? You got off easy” Ryan took another bite of his burger and continued watching the house.   
  
Well that was encouraging.   
  
“So how long have those two been together?”   
  
“a couple of months after Michael joined. Gavin was smitten but by the way Michael acted, we all thought he hated the guy! Then Gav had a bit of a near miss on one of our heists. They made out for pretty much the whole chopper ride home and we didn’t see much of them for the rest of the evening” Ryan gave a pretend shudder.   
  
“How about Jack and Geoff?”   
  
Ryan paused to chew another mouthful “Oh, those two? God they’ve been together forever. Grew up together ya know? Eh you should probably ask them about that some time, it’s pretty complicated. Their relationship is as simple as ever though. True love”   
  
Matt couldn’t help but laugh at this sappy display, “Oh my God Ryan I see why you wear the mask now, if your enemies or whatever heard you talking like this your reputation would be ruined!”   
  
“Oh Matt,” Ryan’s expression darkened, “You don’t believe the Vagabond has any _real_ emotions do you?” He looked at him from the corner of his eye and smirked.   
  
A few moments later he laughed and shrugged his shoulders, “just messing kid, you’re on our side now”

  
  
Now came the difficult part. How the heck was he going to swing the conversation...   
  
"Um so, how about uh..."   
  
"Ray and I?" Ryan grinned at Matt, "You've been dying to ask me that haven't you?"   
  
Nice one Matt. Real fucking smooth.   
  
Ryan waved away Matt's attempted excuses and gave him a reassuring look   
  
"Dont worry, I'm not about to slice you or anything" his tone sobered a little, "It might just be a little hard to understand"   
  
Matt couldn't do anything but nod   
  
"So, Ray and I are both Asexual and Aromantic. That means that we don't really feel sexual or romantic attraction, with me so far?"   
  
That was kind of unexpected. From the way that the two acted around each other, Matt was sure that there was something more than friendship between them. But that couldn't be right if neither was into that kind of thing. Matt didn't know what to say so he continued to nod.   
  
"When we met, we really hit it off. I was pretty friendly with Geoff when I was doing my solo stuff, but it was probably Ray's influence that pulled me into the crew."   
  
Ryan seemed to remember something and started to laugh, "Actually, for a while I thought he was hitting on me and I tried to let him down easy. THAT was funny"   
  
He frowned and chewed at the inside of his lip, "I love Ray you know? I feel stronger feelings for him than I do anyone in the world. I want to protect him, spend all my time with him, make him laugh. We have something, it's platonic but it's strong" He ran a hand through his hair "Am I making sense?"   
  
Matt had to think about his response for a minute. When he considered it, it made perfect sense. It was unusual, but perfectly understandable. He was surprised to see that Ryan seemed a little relieved when he told him this.   
  
He only gave him a moment of appreciative silence before going on the offensive though.

  
  
"So Matt, I told you mine, you tell me yours" he waggled his eyebrows for effect   
  
_So this is it,_ Matt thought. _This is how it ends. I'm sat in a car with the Vagabond talking about boys_.   
  
Ryan seemed to sense this alarm and qualified what he meant "don't worry, I'm not going to ask you if you fancy anyone, we're not in high school. I just want to know why you and Jeremy are so close. I mean, you met once at school, then years later you lived and worked together for about a year and now you see each other after years and he ran up to you like he thought you were dead!"   
  
Matt couldn't help but blush, "Well, I suppose he might have thought I actually _was_ dead. The last time we saw each other it was raining bullets and all I had was a handgun that I had fired a grand total of one time"   
  
Ryan gave a lopsided smile, "He never believed you were dead you know. He talked about you and he never once considered that you might be dead"   
  
This sent a strange pain through Matt's chest and he smiled back at Ryan, "I knew he must be alive too" he lowered his gaze to his twiddling hands, "Me on the other hand... I have no idea how I survived"   
  
"Is this modesty Matt? Come on, you're in one of the most infamous gangs in Los Santos history. You must be doing something right"   
  
"You have no idea Ryan, I was useless without Jeremy. I only learnt how to fight once I was... once I was on my own. And even then it wasn't..." He tapered off, the incessant whispering of secrets in the back of his mind a distraction and a threat.   
  
Ryan rolled his eyes, "Save the self pity for someone who cares Bragg. I saw you with the tech yesterday, I don't know anyone that can do that. Plus Michael wasn't appalled by your self defence. Tell you what, let's go shoot some guns tomorrow. I can give you some pointers and see how awful you really are."   
  
"Yeah, ok thanks", he felt a bit embarrassed now for whining about how useless he was, even if it was true.

 

"By the way Matt, if _any_ of this conversation leaves this car, especially parts which could be construed as "emotional" or "sappy", I will not hesitate to _slice_ "

"Jesus Ryan"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for being cool and supportive, here and on tumblr  
> I can't believe how rad you guys are! 
> 
> As usual let me know what you liked or didn't or if there's anything you'd like to see me include in the story!


	8. Shenanigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just 2000+ words of Fake AH fluff! Enjoy <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The cat idea was given to me by my pal rayaotic over on tumblr, a true champion of jerematt fluff

Days turned into weeks and suddenly Matt realised that he didn’t feel like a guest anymore, or that he had to prove himself. He couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment where this changed, but one day he thought about it and decided he was comfortable around these guys.

 

This must be what normal people felt like with their college roommates or something. Well one thing he found about the Fake AH Crew was that they certainly drank like college students (with the exception of Ryan and Ray).

 

The first occasion that he found this out was just an ordinary Friday evening. It started with Jeremy bringing back a shit load of beer from the store, and before Matt realised, the apartment started spinning.

 

He had been watching Michael and Jeremy’s 200 dollar darts game but as he started to sober up, he felt the familiar nausea and he felt like his lungs were shrinking. It was the kind of anxiety and nervousness which simultaneously made him curse every kind of drug he knew, yet made him all the more desperate for a fix.

 

Gavin must have spotted this as he grabbed Matt’s forearm and pulled him onto the couch with a strength that he hadn’t thought the man was capable of.

 

“Geoffreyyy” He slurred, his speech at half speed for some reason, “we wanna play xbox too”

 

Geoff threw a controller at Gavin, “gonna have to take turns though”

 

Matt squinted at the unfamiliar colours of the title screen, it was a game he didn’t recognise and his brain didn’t seem eager to help him figure out what the word said.

 

Gavin obviously didn’t know either as he asked, “What on earth is that?”

 

“Wot on erf is tha???” Geoff mocked, waggling his head “It’s Minecraft you cunts!”

 

“Geoff! That’s so bloody unnecessary!”

 

\----------

 

A couple of hours later Jack came back with take out only to find everyone gathered round the TV watching the others still playing minecraft.

 

“Wow” said Jack, shaking his head as he passed out burgers, “just when I thought you guys couldn’t get any more lame”

 

“Look Jack we built a giant you!” Gavin exclaimed, snatching the controller from Matt and making the character run over to what did indeed seem to be a statue of Jack.

 

“I see!” said Jack, the way you might praise your child’s heartfelt but terrible drawing. He squeezed in between Gavin and Geoff and began to snuggle up to Geoff before noticing something pretty strange.

 

“So, uhhhh why is there lava coming out of my dick?”

 

\----------

 

Matt woke up surprisingly early the next morning and having nothing else to do, decide to explore their terrible creations of the night before.

 

Once he’d had a good laugh at the ridiculous houses and tried his hardest to remember what the censored signs were supposed to say, he started to build more stuff.

 

He started with Mario since the videogames littering the shelves prompted him to think of characters and he had just moved on to Donkey Kong when Ray walked in holding a bowl of cereal.

 

“Dude!” he scoffed, his mouth full of cheerios, “That’s pretty fucking sick”

 

“Ray, you’re gonna make _me_ sick if you spit any more of those cheerios everywhere”

 

But Ray ignored him and continued to shovel more cereal into his mouth while he talked, “You know who you gotta do next right? The MVP of the nintendo world? Waluigi!”

 

“Are you serious Ray?”

 

“Don’t forget the rose!”

 

\----------

 

After another similarly ‘successful’ night of drinking, Matt was pretty surprised to hear the sounds of shifting plates and cutlery in the morning. Surely no one was awake and cooking already were they?

 

After deciding that he wasn’t going to be able to go back to sleep anyway, Matt pulled on his clothes and went to the kitchen.

 

Turns out that Gavin and Michael were making breakfast. If making breakfast meant making out in the kitchen while there was bacon in the pan.

 

“I did not need to see that today” Matt groaned, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands.

 

“You’re tellin’ me!” agreed a voice from the couch in the connected living room. Turned out Ray was already awake too and was playing his DS with his back to the kitchen, presumably to save his eyes from what he’d seen there.

 

Matt tried to pick up an xbox controller and do the same, but the sounds of his friends getting off only feet away from him proved to be too much. Luckily Jack walked in and decided to deal with it himself.

 

“Seriously guys! On the counter?”

 

“Aww come on Jack, it was just a cheeky bit of foolin’ around!”

 

“One, it’s not ‘cheeky’ its gross. Two, you’ve burned all the bacon.”

 

At this, Michael untangled himself from Gavin and started swearing, throwing the pan of bacon in the sink and putting the tap on full blast. Then when Gavin complained about being sprayed, Michael soaked a dirty dishcloth with water and proceeded to chase Gavin around the apartment splashing him with it.

 

Jack sighed and looked over at Ray and Matt, “Don’t supposed either of you two want to run to the store do you?”

 

And that exact trip to the store is the specific reason that Ray and Matt are no longer allowed to go shopping together. If anyone slips up and allows it, they never come back with what they were asked to get. Only junk food, mostly doughnuts.

 

\----------

 

A few days after that, Matt passed Gavin in the hallway talking excitedly on the phone, almost hopping from one foot to the other.

 

When he sat down next to Jeremy, he only had to point to the springy figure for him to offer an explanation.

 

“Lindsay. Helps us out quite a lot, mostly with stuff out of town, real close to Michael and Gavin.”

 

When Gavin ended his conversation and informed Matt that he would be meeting this Lindsay in a couple of hours, he thought nothing more of it. Until she showed up.

 

He had been working quietly on the computer when he heard Michael yelling “FUCK NO” in the other room.

 

When he headed towards the noise, he saw a cheerful red head whom he presumed to be Lindsay, a pissed off Michael, and what looked like two pet carriers.

 

Gavin flew into the room and shouted “LIND- SAAAAYYY” before throwing himself at her and hugging the way a koala might cling to a tree.

 

Lindsay pointed at Michael with her free hand, “See? Why can’t you be more like Gavin?”

 

Michael continued to shout at her, more from outrage than surprise. “We are NOT taking these FUCKING CATS LINDSAY”

 

“But Michael, its only for a bit...” Gavin had grabbed his arm and was clearly trying his best puppy-dog expression.

 

“You KNEW about this!?”

 

Fortunately, the spluttering Gavin was saved by Geoff walking in to greet Lindsay. His expression changed immediately on seeing the pet carriers.

 

“No, no, no, no Lindsay. We _cannot_ take your cats”

 

“Aw come on Geoff I just don’t know how long I’ll be out of town and I need someone to take care of them just for a while!”

 

Geoff made a noise of frustration and buried his head in his hands.

 

Just when Matt thought the situation couldn’t get any more ridiculous, Jack came into the room with Jeremy in tow. The first immediately started cooing over the animals in the carriers, while the second looked around at everyone in confusion.

 

Seeing the range of expressions on everyone’s faces, Matt couldn’t conceal his laughter anymore.

 

\----------

 

They hadn’t actually allocated the cats to specific people but both the humans and the pets seemed to fall into companionships.

 

The ginger one took a shine to Jack, Geoff and Gavin who decided to call her Billie (since Lindsay had left without telling them their names).

 

Matt fell in love with the other cat instantly. She had long white fur and at Jeremy’s suggestion, they called her Piper.

 

Michael and Ray didn’t give a fuck about the cats. Ryan pretended not to but Matt had actually caught him petting them on several occasions, once he saw Matt he would pull his hand away as if it had been burned.

 

So much for his tough guy image.

 

\----------

 

About a week later Matt walked in on Geoff yelling down the phone at Lindsay.

 

Apparently the cats weren’t hers, she had ‘rescued’ them from her neighbour who was forcing them to eat a vegetarian diet.

 

Also she was never planning on retrieving them.

 

However, despite Geoff’s many complaints about the whole situation, he didn’t make alternate plans for the cats.

 

\----------

 

The cats were actually the cause of the third instance that Matt and Jeremy had ever slept in the same bed.

 

Matt had only lay down for a second when Piper scampered over and settled on his chest. Not wanting to disturb her (and because he was feeling pretty lazy anyway) Matt just lay and pet her for a while.

 

When Jeremy came to speak to Matt he couldn’t help but join in and soon the two were fast asleep, barely even stirring when the cat moved to settle at the end of the bed.

 

When Matt woke up to Jeremy’s arms around him, he pretended to be asleep until Jeremy woke up and left. Partly so that he could enjoy this for a little longer, partly to save himself the embarrassment of basically spooning with his, um, friend.

 

\----------

 

That certainly wasn’t the weirdest thing he’d ever woken up to though.

 

There was that one time that he and Ray had fallen asleep on the couch while playing COD and were woken in the morning when Ryan came into the apartment.

 

“Hey Rye” Ray called over to the man that was now walking into the kitchen, stifling a yawn, “how was the meeting with Fakehaus?”

 

“Less than ideal” Ryan replied, sounding frustrated rather than worried, “well actually

the meeting went fine, it’s just the bit afterwards that was the problem”

 

Matt turned to look at Ryan as he put a black trash bag on the counter and seemed to be pulling the contents out over the sink, “what do you mean the bit after- oh my god that is a human hand”

 

Ray looked around just in time to see Ryan raise said appendage in a shrugging motion and snorted before turning back to switch games, “Jack is NOT gonna be happy dude”

 

“Should I even bother asking why you have that?” Matt pointed at the offending hand that was now on the side of the sink looking very much like meat that was to be prepared for dinner.

 

“Well as I was leaving the Fakehaus I ran into some weirdo. By “ran into” I guess I mean “held at gunpoint by” and by “some weirdo” I mean “an unknown rival gang member who wanted information”” This warranted another snort of laughter from Ray.

 

“And the hand?”

 

“Well unfortunately I had to ‘take care of the problem’ and once the problem’s brains were spread across the floor I noticed he had a ring with what was quite obviously a gang symbol. I wanted to take it back to see if Gavin recognised it but I couldn’t get it off his finger and uhh... I panicked.”

 

Matt considered this chain of events in light of the past few weeks and decided that this was actually a pretty average morning.

 

“Whatever dude. Just get that cleaned up before Mom or Dad walk in or they are gonna flip their shit”

 

It just so happened that said ‘Mom’ (Jack) had just woken up and was indeed pretty unhappy about what was transpiring in the kitchen. ‘Dad’ (Geoff) wasn’t too pleased either.

 

Apparently something about the blood on the counters.

 

 

Not long after that, Michael discovered the situation.

 

“A fuckING HAND RYAN! In the KITCHEN!” his voice reached new octaves in his outrage, “COME ON DUDE”

 

Michael’s yelling in turn led Gavin to the kitchen, “What’s going on here then?”

 

Ryan just waved at Gavin. With the severed hand.

 

They weren’t even mad when Ryan chased Gavin around the house with it. Everyone was too busy pissing themselves laughing.

 

\----------

 

So maybe Matt still had a huge problem on his hands.

 

With each day that went past he was still no wiser on how to solve it. But thanks to this bunch of weirdos, the problem began to feel a teensy bit smaller.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I wrote so much fluff??? this is so unlike me????


	9. Lines to be crossed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Matt's involvement with the crew deepens, he can't help but feel apprehensive.
> 
> Then something big happens which is bound to kick-start some important changes.
> 
> AKA: Matt Bragg is a total badass and you'll be on the edge of your seat (hopefully)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally! another chapter!

Matt hadn’t been surprised that he’d been kept off the front line for heists and important ‘business dealings’. Even if they were now confident in his skills, the crew probably still didn’t completely trust him yet.

 

Then again, Matt had been astonished by the trust that had been shown to him already. The first time that Geoff had asked for his opinion while planning, the apprehension in the air was palpable. His own and everyone else’s.

 

Gavin had sat on his hands in an attempt not to fidget, but everyone could feel the vibrations of his jittering leg through the table. Jack had his hands clasped a little too tightly and suddenly seemed very interested by a point on the wall over Matt’s shoulder. He didn’t even need to look at Jeremy to know that the man was holding his breath.

 

It had been a simple question about the type of explosives they should use in the next heist but in those few words, Geoff had shocked everyone into silence.

 

It was a simple question, with a simple enough answer, and yet it felt like a line had been crossed.

 

Geoff had hummed in approval, continued with the meeting, and the pressure dissolved.

 

After that, Geoff seemed keen to include Matt in all their planning; making sure that he was there even when some of the others weren’t.

 

Of course, Matt had been terrified by this. He felt like he had been thrown into a pool that was shallow enough to stand in, a shock at first but nothing too dangerous.

 

So why did he feel like Ramsey was watching to see whether he would sink or swim?

 

When he expressed his worries to Jeremy he was met with a proud smile, “I don’t reckon he’s trying to test you Matt. He’s just uh, very good at figuring out people’s strengths”

 

\----------

 

Sure enough, Geoff seemed to actually value Matt’s opinion and since his logic had led them right so far, the others began to as well.

 

Soon after that first line was crossed, Matt found himself at the precipice of another that was somehow far more terrifying.

 

The time had come for the crew to meet up with their contact so they could acquire some of their more illegal weaponry and they were now in the process of working out the logistics for the meet up.

 

Unfortunately Gavin interrupted them with the news that he was worried about a rival gang making attempts to monitor them. He had just gotten a tip off about where the culprits might be and needed to take Michael and Ryan with him so they could run intimidation if they found them.

 

An icy feeling of dread accompanied this news as Matt thought of the repeated hacking attempts he had thwarted, each one coming from the same IP address. He hadn’t mentioned these to anyone yet.

 

Anyway, Matt had already indicated that since they were meeting with two men, they should send three so as to not be outnumbered if anything happened. This was where the problem lay.

 

“Well that’s alright though, isn’t it?” Jeremy proposed, “We’ve got... Jack, Geoff and me to meet with these guys, and then Ray can keep an eye with his sniper from _that_ building” The paper wrinkled under his finger as he pointed to various places on the map.

 

Geoff, hand on his chin, shook his head, “I want someone on radio. I... argh I just... I get a bad feeling about these guys”

 

There was a pregnant pause before Jack cleared his throat, “Well, we could have Matt do that?”

 

And while everyone in the room agreed almost immediately, Matt was a few steps behind. Was he the only one that felt the enormity of this?

 

His influence on the planning was a foot in the door to the Fake AH Crew, but his direct involvement felt very much like closing the door behind him.

 

“Matt?” Geoff’s request for his approval was genuine in a way that somehow pained Matt.

 

He was still scared, God he almost felt sick, but with the expectant faces that surrounded him and Jeremy’s conspiratorial smile, there was no question about how he would answer.

 

\----------

 

After testing the mics and ear pieces, everyone got into their positions. Geoff, Jack and Jeremy were waiting inside; Ray was on an upper floor of an adjacent building; and Matt was sat in a car in the street at the back of the building.

 

Everything was going well at first. Matt vaguely listened to the back and forth chatter of names and numbers, focussing on what was suspended in the spaces between the speech.

 

Until the spaces became static and the words did too. He tried listening through everyone’s mic but the only one that gave him absolute silence was Ray’s.

 

“Ray?”

 

“Everything alright Matt?”

 

Well at least his was still working.

 

“Yeah, well not really actually. The signal’s gone to shit and I can’t hear anything from the others”

 

Ray didn’t seem too perturbed by this, he gave a small huff of frustration, “Well as long as I’ve got eyes on them we should be ok and... everything looks to be going well”

 

Ray was right. There wasn’t necessarily a reason to worry. Matt was just a little apprehensive as, although he’d made sure that their conversations couldn’t be listened to, there was no way to prevent them from interference. But it was just as likely that something had just gone wrong with the equipment.

 

“Oh, wait hang on” There was shuffling from Ray’s end and then his voice came through again “Ok Matt, there’s some guy going up the alley the side of the building and I’m about to lose sight of him but get ready, you’ll see him in a sec”

 

Matt shuffled down in his seat, cursing the car (the one that he’d chosen so that they’d blend in) for its lack of blacked out windows. And his stupid legs for being so damn lanky.

 

Sure enough, a man came out of the alley and approached the back of the building. He looked around quickly before slipping through the door.

 

“Fuck. He’s gone inside”

 

“Shit, really?” Ray couldn’t hide his worry, “Everything looks alright from here but...”

 

“I’m gonna go in after him, this could be trouble” he continued, even as Ray tried to interrupt him, “we don’t have another option Ray”

 

Ray finally agreed reluctantly, not knowing that Matt was already out of the car and had his hand ready to open the door.

 

Cracking it open a little, he ascertained that it led into a dim room so he wouldn’t be directly faced with whatever situation was unfolding inside.

 

He took a deep breath and stepped in gun first, but the room was clear. On the one hand, he was relieved, on the other hand; it meant that the man was already in the other room.

 

As Matt edged closer to the door to the next room, Ray’s voice hissed through his earpiece, sounding more worried than before, “Something’s happening in there Matt I, I’ve only got eyes on Geoff and Jeremy and they... Jesus they have their hands up.”

 

Matt’s stomach twisted violently and his hand flinched on the door handle. He needed to focus.

 

He breathed slowly, sending the dust particles that danced around him into a whirlwind and opened the door as slowly as he could manage. Once there was the tiniest sliver of light, he pressed his eye to the gap.

 

Sure enough, Geoff and Jeremy were now facing towards him, hands up in the air. A few metres behind them were the two men that they had planned to meet with.

 

The missing piece of the picture that Ray hadn’t been able to provide him with: The man that Matt and Ray had seen now had an arm around Jack’s throat and a gun to his head.

 

When Matt quietly relayed this information to Ray, his only reply was shallow breathing.

 

Matt’s brain also felt like it was short-circuiting. Any other complications flew out of his head, all that was left was that he had to save them. Jack, Geoff and Jeremy. He had to save them. Ok... _ok_.

 

“Ray, l-listen carefully to me. I’m going to open this door, and shoot the man that’s got Jack. And at the same time, _at the same time_ , you need to shoot the other two. As quickly as you can” seconds of hesitation could be fatal for Jack and the others.

 

“Can you do it?” he asked, knowing that if anyone could do it, it was Ray.

 

“I’ll do it. Can you- can you get that guy... without hurting Jack?” There was no accusation to his tone, he was trying to reassure them both.

 

Matt probably surprised himself more with his quick reply, “Y-yeah. I can do it.”

 

A few more excruciating moments of quiet passed with only the faint buzz of talk behind the door.

 

“Ray” Matt whispered, “count us down”

 

“3”

 

Safety off.

 

“2”

 

A trembling hand on the door.

 

“1”

 

Visualising where his target is.

 

“GO”

 

The _bang_ of the handgun. The _zip_ of the sniper bullet.

 

Three lifeless bodies slumped to the floor, and three wide pairs of eyes turned to look at him.

 

They’d done it.

 

Matt felt like he was going to faint.

 

Suddenly, Jeremy was in front of him. His hands went to Matt’s face and he scanned his whole body as if _he_ had been the one in danger.

 

He was thankful when Jeremy pulled him into a hug, he wasn’t sure if he could completely trust his legs to hold him up.

 

“You did good buddy, you did good” He murmured into his shoulder.

 

When they pulled away he caught sight of the tail end of Geoff’s flurry of kisses to Jack’s face as he whispered something that Matt couldn’t quite catch.

 

The intensity of Geoff’s glare caught him off guard once it was directed at him. His eyes were red-rimmed, the eyes of a man currently envisioning a hundred scenarios, each one worse than what had actually happened.

 

“You. Come here” his voice was hoarse, as rough as the arms that now enfolded him in a motionless grip.

 

“Thank you Matt.”

 

\----------

 

Jeremy had whisked him outside pretty quickly after that, leaving the others to clean up.

 

Matt knew why he was now sat outside on the curb with Jeremy instead of helping them.

 

“Honestly Jeremy I’m fine”, he didn’t miss the sigh of the man shuffling closer “No really, I actually am!”

 

“Um, okay...” Jeremy still sounded uncertain, “It’s just that...”

 

Matt left the sentence hanging in the air for Jeremy to complete himself, but as expected it went unfinished.

 

He sighed resignedly, “I know. I was a mess the last time wasn’t I?” He shoved Jeremy gently with his shoulder who then chuckled softly.

 

“Except, that wasn’t actually the last time” Matt’s gaze dropped to the tarmac beneath his shoes.

 

“I’ve shot someone else, since then, before now.”

 

Jeremy didn’t answer, clearly not wanting to push Matt when he was finally divulging parts of his past.

 

“And that was... okay. I mean it’s always, uh, weird but I was okay” he pushed at a can on the ground with his foot, the logo glinting on and off in the sunlight.

 

“It was worse with the other two. The two I didn’t kill directly? After those I couldn’t stop thinking that they would be alive if... if not for me. The other guy, someone else would have killed him. But with the other two, I gave information to... people and I knew that I’d sealed their fate. Only I could get to that information, I could have lied, I could have refused, but I didn’t”

 

His words flowed freely once he began. He didn’t know why he was telling Jeremy now. He certainly wasn’t looking for absolution, or sympathy.

 

Perhaps the weight of secrets was becoming too much. At least this was one less to deal with.

 

“I’m sure you did what you had to”, Jeremy replied softly.

 

“They had families Jerem. I found that out too. God knows what happened to them. I can still remember all their names” he trailed off into what was almost a whisper, but the admission had left him surprisingly calm.

 

Jeremy simply put his arm around Matt’s shoulders and pulled them closer together.

 

He was alright thanks to Matt. And as soon as Matt was ready to tell him everything, Jeremy would make damn sure that he was alright too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I barely read this over I'm sorry lol  
> There'll be much more about what follows this event to come!  
> Thanks for reading <3
> 
> tumblr: captainandersmith


	10. What I have got to lose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A flashback to the first time Matt had to kill someone. Jeremy picks up the pieces and we see just how much these boys need each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: violence, not too graphic
> 
> Sorry for not updating in so long, I should be quicker with the next one as I have a better idea about the direction I'm going in.

All things considered, it could have gone a lot worse. No blood had been shed on their side and though a little shaken, Matt really was fine. Things weren’t nearly as neat the first time he’d killed someone.

 

They should have expected it really. For things to go wrong. High on their successes (which were mostly just dumb luck) they felt untouchable. The ex-accidental-mafia-member and the recovering addict. Tearing Liberty City apart.

 

So they were far too ambitious with this one, somehow believing that robbing corner shops and hacking bank details from a safe distance had prepared them for this. It was a small gang who operated using a restaurant as a front for weapons dealing. From what Matt could tell, it was working out pretty well for them and most likely they were keeping a handsome sum of money in a safe in one of the back rooms. Most decent criminals wouldn’t bother to hold up a little diner and petty thieves were unlikely to look further than the meagre pickings of the cash register, so they were proud of their find.

 

Matt blames himself for presuming that he was smarter than their target. Jeremy blames himself for not checking his corners.

 

Matt snapped around with his gun at head height as soon as Jeremy yelped, to see his friend being used as a meat shield for their unknown attacker. The man didn’t have a weapon but from his smug expression he seemed to assume that Matt wouldn’t risk the shot with his head so close to Jeremy’s. Well, turns out that Matt wasn’t the only one to learn a lesson about assumptions that day.

 

In the following minutes, while Matt was feeling particularly morbid, he wondered where this learnt lesson was now. Somewhere in the splattered brains on the wall? Or in the somewhat hollowed cavity between the man’s eyes?

 

As he pondered how far the thought would have journeyed in the dying man’s mind, he didn’t realise he was sobbing until Jeremy was wiping the wet from his face, his own eyes also shining and frightened. He didn’t realise he’d fallen to the floor shaking until Jeremy clung to him like a man drowning. As if he wasn’t the one keeping Matt afloat.

 

Jeremy. Strong, dependable, warm, _mortal_ , Jeremy.

 

It was Jeremy who got them home that night, Jeremy who cleaned the vomit from his clothes and face (Matt didn’t remember leaving the building or throwing up). Jeremy who pulled Matt into his bed, stroked his hair and murmured reassurances until he could breathe properly. Each kiss pressed firmly to his forehead was both a brand and an anchor.

 

And when they woke in the morning, clinging to each other, Matt felt surrounded by Jeremy, and not just in the physical sense. Everything he did, thought about, worked for... and _Christ_ , he couldn’t remember the last time he had something this important to lose. He was terrified.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm dead tired so I hope this chapter wasn't too terrible.  
> Sorry it's kind of short but I felt it was important
> 
> tumblr is captainandersmith, come say hi!


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